In case you needed further proof that the human race may be doomed in its way of thinking, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On a Sears hairdryer –
“Do not use while sleeping.”
(Damn, and that’s the only time I have to work on my hair).
On a bag of Fritos –
“You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside.”
(The shoplifter special)?
On a bar of Dial soap –
“Directions: Use like regular soap.”
(and that would be how???….)
On some Swanson frozen dinners –
“Serving suggestion: Defrost.”
(but, it’s “just” a suggestion).
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) –
“Do not turn upside down.”
(well..duh, a bit late, huh)!
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding –
“Product will be hot after heating.”
(…and you thought????…)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron –
“Do not iron clothes on body.”
(but wouldn’t this save me more time)?
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine –
“Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.”
(We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol Sleep Aid —
“Warning: May cause drowsiness.”
(! and…I’m taking this because???….)
On most brands of Christmas lights —
“For indoor or outdoor use only.”
(as opposed to…what)?
On a Japanese food processor –
“Not to be used for the other use.”
(now, somebody out there, help me on this. I’m a bit curious.)
On Sainsbury’s peanuts –
“Warning: contains nuts.”
(talk about a news flash)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts –
“Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.”
(Step 3: maybe, uh…fly Delta?)
On a child’s Superman costume –
“Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.”
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw –
“Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.”
(Oh my God…was there a lot of this happening somewhere?)
since Jan. 1, 2011
