knitting: an outsider’s dictionary

I was catching up on some much-needed blog reading when I happened upon Merry Gentlemen’s amusing anecdotal story where she referenced the dreaded sweater curse. That got me thinking, outsiders would have no clue what she’s talking about. Wouldn’t it be helpful to have a quick guide to common terms for the casual passersby. So here’s what I’ve come up with.

acrylic—What many knitters will hiss, cry in dismay, shudder, gag at the response to when newbies or good-doers suggest this as a great yarn choice. Sold very cheaply and often very well stocked at most craft stores.

cats—What often dwell with an avid knitter or crochet. This, of course, is a stereotype, but with all outsider dictionaries, myths and stereotypes must be discussed.

crochet—That thing women do with a big ball of furry yarn and some crazy looking hook thing. Also results in strange multicolored afghans.

felting—The process of taking a knitted item and making it look like fabric by washing it. Ends up looking slightly fuzzy.

hook—Commonly found in sewing baskets with no apparent use attached that makes the yarn go together.

knitting—That other thing women do with a big ball of furry yarn and long needles that look like weapons.

mittens—Those other “gloves” with no fingers. Good for holding steamy cups of hot chocolate. Bad for digging anything out of your wallet.

needles—Pointy weaponlike items that look like chopsticks and some how make something.

scarf—Typical first project; often comes in a variety of shapes, shades and sizes.

stitch’n bitch, knit ‘n’ sit, etc.—Various knitting group names for when chicks get together and like knit and stuff around a table. They call it bonding.

sweater curse—When a knitter gives a handmade wonderful to a significant other, resulting in the dissolution of the relationship (ie. breakup). This term is actually in Wikipedia.

washcloth—Another typical project. Very useful. Often associated with a granny project.

yarn—Fluffy stuff usually in a ball.

Feel free to comment with your additions to the Knitting: An Outsider’s Dictionary.